Colorblind
Tom held himself in a tight embrace. Light was still off, but that was not the problem. He knew that Bill hated him right now, and it was making him insane, or better insanely depressed. He had failed in showing him his feelings and screwed up -twice. How was it even possible? What was he going to do? Losing Bill was not an option. He was the only one he trusted, his twin, his better half, and now, the love of his life.
The blonde sniffed as he looked around the room. It was quite dark, but he had grown used to it, and he could make out some things. He spotted a picture hanging on the wall. He smiled sadly even though he couldn’t really see the scene that the camera had stilled in time; he didn’t need it, the picture was printed in his memory. It showed a laughing Bill embracing an equally happy Tom.
The tears falling non-stop made Tom realize one thing: There was no safe way out for him. All the room in his heart was taken by BIll, his mind filled with images of Bill’s face, Bill’s voice, Bill’s weird things, Bill, Bill, Bill.
There was no way he could escape from fate, and he was fated to love his own twin brother. He’d known that ever since that very first kiss. But Bill rejected him. That was doing no good. He could no longer bear a life like this. It felt so empty and cold inside…Tom’d rather be dead.
* * *
On his own, Bill was still thinking of the kiss. He couldn’t help but kiss back, but then the old insecurity came back, telling him that Tom was doing it just to hurt him.
That only made sense in his paranoid mind. Some side in him tried to tell him that Tom would never do that, but he wouldn’t listen. At least not when he had to. Now the feeling that it was him who had hurt Tom was nagging at him, preventing him from falling asleep. Maybe Tom was also confused. Why couldn’t he let him tell? Tom had tried to say something, and the tears were real. Why the fuck hadn’t he let Tom talk?
Determined, he got up from bed, wanting to go to his brother’s room and get it over with. He was going to tell Tom what he felt, and listen to whatever his twin had to say. He owed him that.
At that moment, a door was opened and shut quietly. Bill listened in silence. He knew it was Tom’s door. He heard the foosteps walking down the stairs, and then a car engine.
‘Great,’ he thought. Now Tom had left, and he couldn’t blame him for that. Bill only wished that Tom would be back in the morning. Something told him that there was something else going on, and it was not good.
* * *
The dreadhead drove around, trying to get a grip on his mind. It was still late, and he wanted to see sunrise, so everything had to wait.
As he drove by a street, he saw it, the right place. He directed his car towards it and parked there. Sitting still in the car, he opened a can of beer and relaxed. Morning could wait.
