Raw (serie “when love and death embrace”)
There she was. Her naked body covered with a light green blanket. She could breathe no more. Everybody was telling him to leave, but he didn’t mean to. He couldn’t decide a moment that was right enough for him to see Sheila no more.
He slowly breathed in and out, sticking his nose to her neck. She still smelled like herself. He recalled the night before, when she still was alive.
FLASHBACK
- Dear, life’s like this. We’re not immortal. I am glad I lived long enough to meet you.
- But we still have many things to do…don’t leave, not now. I won’t be able to go on.
- You will, I beg you.
-Sheila…
- It’s not fair, Gavin, I know. But you must be thankful for all our years.
- I am, it’s only that I’m not… not ready yet.
- Neither am I.
END FLASHBACK
She looked paler than ever that night. Anytime she spoke she ended up panting and breathless. From the very first moment the doctor told them the diagnosis they knew she wouldn’t make it. It was far too late when they realized that she was ill. Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. It had no cure. There was nothing to be done.
And this is how it had ended. It was the most foreseeable ending ever. As raw as death was.
He shook her dead body.
- Sheila, wake up! It’s time to leave! Sheila! Sheila!! Please, please, wake up… My dearest princess, why won’t you answer? Why won’t you open your eyes?- He cried. Tears welled up. Suddenly thje door opened. Gavin was found by his friends shaking and crying onto her corpse. They took him away from the room, ignoring his screams. He couldn’t understand why they were taking him from Sheila. It was clear that she was going to wake up, wasn’t it? She was flawless, as if she was only sleeping. The lack of breathing and heartbeats meant nothing.
Outside some white-dressed men waited. They told him that they would take him somewhere where he could see Sheila anytime. He grinned and followed these men happily, ignoring the tight grip of their hands on his arms.
(Can I get) White.
Advertencia: El texto puede contener escenas de índole sexual, incestuosa (twincest), no aptas para menores, homofobos, personas sensibles y/o que no gusten de Tokio Hotel. Si continuas leyendo es bajo tu completa responsabilidad.
LOS PERSONAJES INTEGRANTES DE LA BANDA, ASÍ COMO SIMONE Y ANDREAS, NO SON MÍOS, SON PERSONAS REALES QUE TIENEN UNA VIDA APARTE TOTALMENTE DESCONOCIDA POR MÍ. LOS HECHOS QUE AQUÍ SE CUENTAN SON SOLO PRODUCTO DE MI IMAGINACIÓN (en teoría).
It was pitch black when he opened his eyes. Rain was hitting the windows hardly and some thunder could be heard in the distance. He shivered. Another thunder broke the relative silence, this time nearer. Bill tried to turn on the lights, but they were off. He panicked. “Shit”. He was scared of dark. There was no moon, which wasn’t helping at all, and every thunder made him jump in fright.
Not even really thinking about it, he tiptoed to Tom’s room. He knocked quietly, not wanting to wake up his mother, and only then he noticed what he was about to do. Though he had been pretending, he was still in love with Tom, and even though he had chosen black even after the kiss, his heart wouldn’t give up and still hoped for white.
He got no answer, and he was considering going back to his room, but another thunder sounded pretty near. He opened the door.
Tom was on the bed curled up into himself. He was listening to music. Bill moved nearer, and frowned as he heard him sobbing.
- Tomi?
Tom didn’t move. Perhaps he couldn’t hear him through his blaring headphones. He touched slightly his shoulder, making him turn in surprise. Even in the darkness Bill could imagine his brother blushing. He never cried.
- Tomi, what’s wrong?
The older one turned off his iPod.
- Bill? What are you doing here? – he tried to avoid the question.
- Scared. Lights are off and it’s stormy.
- Do you wanna…?
- Sure, but tell me, what’s up?
- Nothing- Tom lied. He’d been crying because for the first time in his life he had truly fallen in love and he couldn’t do anything about it.
Bill placed himself beside Tom and held him close between his arms. Tom’s eyes watered and he finally gave in, starting to cry.
- Shh. Tell me what’s bothering you, Tomi. I can’t bear this feeling of being unable to help you. I can tell something’s wrong, you’re not one who cries for a broken nail.
Tom pulled away softly. He was considering the options. Maybe he just needed to let his heart guide him a little bit. He leaned forward, sweetly connecting his lips with Bill’s.The smaller one parted his lips, allowing Tom’s tongue in, and he got a quick answer. Tom kissed hungrily his brother’s mouth, exploring it with his wet and warm tongue. He shivered when he felt Bill’s stud touching his palate. It turned into a wet kiss that was meant to explain all the feelings that Tom kept deep inside his soul, the ones that were killing him.
Suddenly Bill broke the kiss.
- I told you never to do that again. You want to break my heart, don’t you?- he said, breathlessly.
- But… Bill…
- Don’t, Tom, just shut the fuck up. Don’t tell me anything. I thought I meant something for you, but now I see. You just can’t help teasing me, but for once, you could at least respect me and stop laughing at me.
- Bill, I’m not…- he trailed off. Bill was glaring at him. He got up and went out of the room, slamming the door shut.
- Billa, I love you…- Tom whispered between fresh tears after Bill had gone.
Lighter (pretending)
Advertencia: El texto puede contener escenas de índole sexual, incestuosa (twincest), no aptas para menores, homofobos, personas sensibles y/o que no gusten de Tokio Hotel. Si continuas leyendo es bajo tu completa responsabilidad.
LOS PERSONAJES INTEGRANTES DE LA BANDA, ASÍ COMO SIMONE Y ANDREAS, NO SON MÍOS, SON PERSONAS REALES QUE TIENEN UNA VIDA APARTE TOTALMENTE DESCONOCIDA POR MÍ. LOS HECHOS QUE AQUÍ SE CUENTAN SON SOLO PRODUCTO DE MI IMAGINACIÓN (en teoría).
Tom was so deeply asleep he didn’t notice his mother go away from his room. He’d finally managed to sleep, a night plenty of nightmares, but at least he was no longer crying his heart out. He kept on sighing and talking crap through his slumber, though.
When Simone went out of his son’s room, she almost walked into her other son, who was making his way to Tom’s room, with a strange look in his eyes.
“Bill…” She said, in a warning tone.
“Yes, mom?”
“You’d better don’t disturb him, he for some reason had a bad day yesterday and he’s just almost managed to get a deep sleep without waking for some random nightmare.”
“I’ll take care of him.”
“Sure, that’s what I told him when I saw him like that. He said you wouldn’t know about it. It sounded like he meant you wouldn’t care to me.”
“You saw him like what. Mom… was he so upset?”
“Upset? He was crying, for god’s sake.”
Bill frowned. Was his brother just pretending in order to hurt him or did he actually feel something? Maybe he was just afraid he might lose his brother. He entered Tom’s room without bothering to say something to his mother.
The room was pitch black, although it was 10 in the morning. The curtains were down. That was pretty much like Tom. It smelled of him in the room. It’s not that Tom stinked, but even just showered, he had a special scent that now filled the room. His clothes were on the floor, including the pajamas that he was wearing yesterday, as he could notice when his eyes got used to the darkness. He swallowed hard, that could only mean he or his mother had taken them off during the night, probably because he was sweating.
He adverted Tom was staring at him from his bed.
“You shouldn’t be awake.”
“You shouldn’t be in my room.”
“I just came to see how you were doing. Mom told me you had a bad night.”
“Mom is exagerating…”
“And she said you cried. I never thought something like that could ever happen to tough Tom Kaulitz.”
“…and you are being far too nosy,” Tom said, uncomfortable all of a sudden.
Bill sighed. It was a reaction he had expected. Tom would never admit he had feelings, because if he did so, he could end up hurt.
“So whatever. I was craving to take you outta here, and as far as you seem to be fully awake and ready to anything, you are coming out of bed with me.”
“No, I’m still sleepy.”
“Well, it seems you’re not getting any more sleep today, though. I’m not letting you have another nightmare.”
“Then come here and share the bed with me for a while. Afterwards we’ll go wherever you want.”
The black haired guy sighed and made his way to the bed. As soon as he lay onto the bed, his brother got tangled up in him and fell asleep. Both kept this way, curled up each other until midday.
The first one opening his eyes was Tom. He looked at Bill still asleep into his arms and he flushed violently. Tough luck he was his brother and could never make it to Bill’s heart in more than a brotherly way. But he now knew his twin cared and that was enough for him to live on. He’d just pretend he never fell in love with him. He stroke Bill’s hair and placed a soft kiss on his nose. Bill, who hadn’t been asleep at all in that moment, felt his heart would explode at any moment, so he decided to give up faking and opened his eyes.
“Hi, Tomi.. You fancy going out for meal?” he said, watching his phone clock. Curiously, it had been in his hand all the time, as if he was expecting someone to call, but he could not remember what was the deal, so he just threw the feeling to the trash bin, thinking that was it to be something important he would have remembered.
“Sure. Where?”
Bill made a thinking gesture to make it clear that he was concentrated on searching for a right place in his mind map.
“What about some restaurant at the mall? We can go shopping afterwards.” He saw the odd look Tom gave him. “…or we could go to the cinema, as I told you yesterday. There is this new romantic film…”
Tom gazed at his brother, raising an eyebrow.
“We can go shopping if we go to the scary one. How was it called?”
“30 days of night. It makes me shiver.”
“We have a deal?”
The black haired looked down to his feet, thoughtfully. He pretended he was thinking whether watching the horror film or not, but in fact he was thinking of the consequences of all that had been happening lately. He first was afraid that Tom was just playing some disturbing joke on him, but the things that his mother told him and the fact that Tom had kissed him when he thought that he was sleeping made it confusing to him. He was now considering that his twin actually felt something.
“Deal.” Bill offered his hand to Tom, who shook it playfully, as if sealing the deal.
He’d let time go by and then, he’d see if there was something else, or was only a bad taste joke. In the meanwhile, Tom wished he could know what was going on in his brother’s head, and when he heard that they’d go to the scary one, his heart jumped happily. As far as Bill was too afraid of anything, he would end up almost on his lap hiding his face in his neck. It worthed the effort (however it was not that much an effort watching his brother put on and off clothes) of going shopping.
“So, lets go down,” Bill said all of a sudden, snapping Tom out of his thoughts.
“Just.. Bill, would you do something for me?”
“Uhm, yes, whatever.” Bill frowned. What was his brother about to ask him to do?
“Would you..ehm..hug me?”
Bill sighed in relief. Sure he would hug him, he could hug him forever. So he did. They stayed like that for a while.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you yesterday,” Tom whispered into Bill’s ear. “You know I didn’t mean to, you’re so important for me.”
He pulled away from his brother slowly.
“I’d rather stay like this forever, but I don’t want to bother you.”
The small one looked at him and hugged him again. He couldn’t believe Tom thought he was bothering him. He was so sure Tom wasn’t joking anymore that he was about to kiss him, but Simone entered the room.
“Are you guys feeling better now? Bill told me something about you both spending the day out. Guess you’ll need money.”
She gave them some money which they added to the money that Bill had picked for the day. They left downstairs and walked to the nearest shopping center.
* * *
“What about this one?” Bill was pointing at a shirt, and Tom shook his head in denial for the twentieth time in the afternoon. They’d gone to the mall and they had lunch in an Italian restaurant. They didn’t try much of Italian food, as they had pizza, as always. Italian pizza tasted much better, though. Afterwards, they went to some shops, and Bill had tried on about twenty different shirts, but no one seemed to fit him better than his bare skin, and that’s why Tom kept saying he didn’t like them.
“I’ve tried almost the whole shop on, but for some reason you seem to believe that no cloth can fit me.”
“Sure.”
“I..Oh, hell, you will regret.”
Tom laughed. Bill was actually a little bit furious, which turned his cheeks red and narrowed his eyes. Tom was about to tell him that he didn’t mean it like that, saying that he was too ugly to find something fitting, but he decided against it when he realized that his brother looked cuter than ever.
“Do NOT laugh at me, you damn bugger.” Bill was already closing tighter his fists. That could only make Tom’s laughs louder. He was already holding his belly through the oversized shirt and making funny faces to avoid screaming.
Suddenly a strong pain in his head informed him that Bill had hit him.
“Now, will you stop laughing?”
Tom just looked at him in shock and disbelief. Had Bill just hit him? A grin fought to come out, but he swallowed it.
“You were doing that to disappoint me, right?”
“Right.” The older twin chuckled, earning himself a glare from his brother.
“Well, now you go out and pay for these twenty shirts and those beautiful trousers you had rejected.”
Tom pouted, but Bill still seemed angry, so he thought he’d better do what the Diva wanted.
After a good while shopping, they headed to the parking lot, carrying plenty of bags. Bill had taken advantage of the situation and had made his brother buy him almost the whole bloody mall. The dark haired placed a kiss onto Tom’s cheek, making him flush fiercely.
“Thank you, Tomi. I was craving for some new shirts.”
“Please, just tell me you didn’t say some. You could dress the poor with this and you would still have something new to put on.”
Bill giggled. When they left the bags safely in the car trunk, they went to the cinema, bought tickets for the scary one, which was about to start, and tried to get to it on time.
They finally were entering a damn dark room. That was fine for Tom, but Bill knew he would dread the moment that he had agreed to view a terror film.
* * *
It was almost the end of the film. It had been so scary that Bill was curled against his brother, breathing in his neck and not daring to look at the screen. He didn’t regret as he thought he would, though. The closeness was driving him crazy, not knowing that deep inside Tom’s pants, there was something growing, and deeper, Tom’s heart was pounding for love, drowning him into some burning feeling in his chest that just made him know that he could never again feel the same towards his twin.
But he didn’t kiss him, even though he wanted it so bad. He believed it would spoil a perfect day. He kept on pretending until he was safe in his room.
Culpable (V – Fotos)
En el taxy de camino al hotel, Bill se dedicó a repasar mentalmente cada momento con su hermano. Intentaba sin poder conseguirlo descifrar los sentimientos encerrados en las miradas de su gemelo. Tom escondía muy bien lo que sentía. Pero había una mirada que le inquietaba especialmente, y era la que le dirigía segundos antes de entrar en el reservado con la rubia aquella. Había en esa mirada de todo…culpa, deseo, celos, amor, odio, miedo…desesperación. “Lo peor es que me lo planteo, ¿seré tan enfermizo de corresponderle? Aunque…eso sería llamar enfermizo a Tom. ¿Lo es? Si tan solo fuéramos hermanos normales.. pero al ser gemelos, casi parece natural por alguna razón. Aun así, no lo es, NO LO ES. No está bien aceptarlo y reconocer que yo también lo siento, no sin antes luchar contra ello…pero entonces, ¿por qué me siento tan mal?”
El atormentado Bill salió de la seguridad del taxy para encontrarse con un pequeño grupo de fans que se habían enterado de lo de Tom no se sabe cómo, posiblemente hijas de enfermeras y sus amigas. No eran muchas, unas 20, el asunto era muy reciente y no había dado tiempo de que se filtrara a la prensa. Bill decidió dedicarles un momento. “Así me relajaré, será bueno desconectar un poco” I
Se acercó a las chicas, que chillaron nerviosas. Una de ellas gritó:
- Bill, ¿cómo está Tom?
- ¿Cómo diablos os habeis enterado? – inquirió divertido.
Una pelirroja miró al suelo y le dijo algo a sus zapatos sobre su madre, que era administrativa en el hospital.
- Llamé a una amiga, y cuando me quise dar cuenta eramos 21. – dijo, sin dejar de mirar al suelo.
- No pasa nada, no te preocupes. Tom está… está… – sintió como se derrumbaba por dentro- la doctora nos dijo que estaba grave pero estable. Yo espero, creo ciegamente en que se recuperará. – las lágrimas contenidas durante tanto tiempo comenzaron a hacer acto de presencia por su rostro, destrozando su maquillaje.- En fin. ¿Quereis subir un rato y hacer unas fotos? Es mi forma de agradeceros que hayais venido, es realmente tarde.
Algunas chicas se removieron, inquietas. Prácticamente la mitad eran hermanas mayores o amigas que obviamente solo habían venido a acompañar. Se dio cuenta y dijo:
- Vale, mirad, lo voy a poner más fácil. Las que quieran que me sigan dentro, voy a ir a la habitación a recoger la ropa de Tom y tal vez su guitarra. Las que quieran irse ya por los motivos que sean, pueden hacerlo, no os sintais preocupadas por vuestras amigas, serán luego acompañadas a sus casas.
Se oyeron suspiros de alivio y un reducido grupo siguió a Bill hasta la habitación, donde dedicaron un rato a hacerse fotos. Después Bill les firmó algunos autografos y regaló a las chicas alguna de sus cosas. Estaban pasando un buen rato. Una de ellas preparaba una especie de cócteles, mientras que el resto hablaba y reía. Una chica con rastas desapareció, saliendo minutos después vestida con la ropa de Tom. El parecido era increible, y Bill no pudo menos que notar cómo su cuerpo reaccionaba ante la idea de que realmente era su hermano quien se escondía detrás de toda esa ropa.
- ¿Podría alguien hacerle una foto así?- reía Bill, sabía que luego su hermano le mataría por ello, pero le daba igual, quería ver su cara cuando advirtiese que ese alguien que tanto se parecía a él era en realidad una chica. Al fin y al cabo si la gente decía que Bill era muy femenino, Tom en el fondo había de serlo también, pues al parecer eran gemelos.
- No, Bill, no, ni se te ocurra- decía la chica- Tom es capaz de buscarme bajo cielo y tierra por haberme puesto su gorra. Me matará.
Bill usó esa carita suya que convencía a todo el mundo, poniendo morritos.
- Ook.. pero con una condición. Haremos dos fotos, y en una de ellas saldrá Bill conmigo…dándome un beso. Ah, podemos hacerla con la instantánea que trae Lisa, y así la veremos en cuanto se haga.
La pelirroja de antes asintió.
Cuando Bill posó sus labios sobre los de la chica, se sintió extraño. Su aspecto le convencía de que era Tom, y eso le excitaba. Oyó el clic de la cámara, pero prolongó algo más el beso, ganándose un par de uuuuhhhs. Después todas las chicas quisieron besarle, ante la sorpresa del moreno. Normalmente era Tom quien se llevaba toda la atención respecto a ese tema.
Había una chica sin embargo que no se unió a eso. Estaba en un sofá sentada, y parecía no acompañar al resto. Llevaba gafas de sol, a pesar de ser de noche, y su pelo era rubio dorado. A Bill le inquietaba mucho.
- ¿Es amiga vuestra?- preguntó a Lisa, repentinamente interesado.
- No, ya estaba ahí cuando nosotras llegamos.
La chica no era bonita. Su rostro no era dulce, pero poseía una belleza más salvaje, felina. Un aura de misterio la rodeaba. Bill no podía apartar de ella la mirada, a pesar de seguir divirtiendose y flirteando con todas las chicas. Estas al fin decidieron marcharse, cuando los primeros rayos del sol empezaron a verse por la ventana abierta.
- Chicas, sinceramente os agradezco que vinierais, habría pasado la noche solo y agobiándome. Lisa, no te preocupes por tu madre, no pienso ni mencionarlo.- Les entregó un papel con una dirección de correo electrónico. – Os doy esto si me haceis la promesa de que no lo vais a compartir con nadie más.
- Lo prometemos.
- Quizá a Tom le gustara conocer a alguna de vosotras cuando se recupere…- dijo en un tono que sonaba un tanto apesadumbrado, muy a pesar suyo.- Especialmente a ti, Jade- señaló con la mirada a la chica atrevida de las rastas.
Las chicas se despidieron, emocionadas, y prometiendo escribirle pronto. El menor cerró la puerta. Entonces un pensamiento asaltó su mente. “La rubia misteriosa no se ha ido”.
